Dear Fear,

full frame shot of text on wood

Dear fear,

I feel you everyday trying to hold me back. I know that you are near and just waiting to leap out at me when I am feeling insecure.  You do your best to hold me back from living the life that I  want to live.  I know you come from the past experienced of failure that I can’t let go of. I know you will show up when I  feel I’m  about to be judged by others who don’t really know my story, but knowing they may not agree with me scares me to not get over you. I know you have the ability to pull , tug and twist my heart to the point where it beats to fast and has a pain that paralyzes and this makes me powerless to you.  I hear you in my head telling me “Why do think that’s possible” , “What makes you think you are smart enough”,   “You failed at this before”,  “Just give up before you embarrass yourself”, and so many more negative statements float in my head because of you.

Well I am here today to tell you, fear I no longer will allow you to lead me. I am strong enough now to lead my own way through my life. This is my journey not yours. I am not who I was years ago  or even who I was yesterday. Yes you are right I have failed and I have been judged many times. I have hurt myself and others with my choices. I have done things in my past that I am not proud of, but this does not define me. My past gives me the opportunity to grow, learn and be better with what I have been through. So as of today fear you will be left in the past. I continue daily to grow stronger in who I want to be from the lessons you have shown me. I am now set free and no longer feel weary of   burdens you have thrown at me.


Donella Kay


2 thoughts on “Dear Fear,”

    1. First and foremost I am a women with the belief  in flipping the coin to always find the positive in any thing that happens in life.  I recognize that I am  not perfect. I have made many mistakes in my life and I have said things that I have had to apologize and then own up to it.  I also understand that everything I have been through whether good or bad has made me who I am today.

      I am shy and somewhat introverted.  I am one who if in a crowd of people  will be in the back observing others. I do not need to be the center of attention as this will make me uncomfortable.  Stepping out of my comfort zone is not easy for me, but I am a work in progress and teaching myself to not fear this.  I like my alone time  as this is important to me to recharge and I have had to teach myself not to feel guilty for wanting this.

      I love to read  inspirational books. I have a slue of them on my bookshelf or in my cart on amazon.  If you open one of the many books I have on my bookshelf you will find many handwritten notes by me.  I love to write my thoughts of  positive affirmations to share with others.   I try to stay away from negative as this drains my energy.  I am always learning to not judge others for the choices they make and have learned to love some from a distance.

      I have been on a mission since I was 18 years old to be in the best health I could be.  When I was 18 I went to my first Aerobic class and I was hooked for life.  Working out has been a big part of me along with always trying to make healthy choices of food choices. I never really  fought to be healthy until 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. This little butterfly shaped organ in my neck has changed my whole life. I have had to change everything that I did from exercise to eating so my energy level will stay up.  I had to learn to be a advocated in my health as no one else lives in my body but me. My workouts had to change as I can longer can do high intensity long workouts as these types of cardio will zap my energy for the day or two.  I now have learned yoga and Pilates. I still lift weights but not heavy anymore.  Plus I still love putting on some fun dance music and dance around my house for a fun workout.

      I can tell you when I was given the news that my thyroid was no longer working I got mad,  upset and depressed that I would have to take medication to keep me well. I am not a big medicine taker.  I didn’t want the medication to dictate how I was going to feel on a daily basis. This caused a ripple effect in my life to learn more about the thyroid and what would work for me.  I got on google and started researching  I came across a website and this website branched off to many others sites which lead me to enrolling in Institute for Integrative Nutrition, IIN.  This is a year-long online course which is a holistic health approach to life. It all about learning about the primary (you) and secondary (food)  choices.  I just finished my course YEAH!!. I am now a certified health coach.  But most important is this course has led me to many other sources that have taught me to take my own health into my hands.

      I have change my whole life to what foods  I choose to put in my gut and also what I put on  chemicals on will put my body.  By doing this I have changed my energy level and I have learned to take care of me so I can be there for others.   I am a mirror of what can happen with small steps of change in your life. It’s important for me to share this with you as I don’t want you to think that health is a life sentence that can harm you.  That there is solutions. Your health is important and medication is not the answer to all the problems you face.  Its learning and trusting your gut. Its slowing down enough to realize that you can control what your body is telling you.  Its remembering that you did not get where you are today overnight. Its trusting baby steps will help lead you to be a better you.

      I had no choice but to change my life as I am also a Wife, and Mother to 5 children who are now adults and  are my branches of life.  I am also a proud Grandma to 8 beautiful grandchild 4 boys and 4 girls I am  known as LaLa to them. I am a sister and a sister-in-law, I am an Aunt and I am a cousin and I am a friend.  My health is not just important to me but to all of those who are part of my life.  If I am not the best version of me how will I be able to give myself fully to all those who are part of my life.


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